she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
