i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
