i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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