Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
