: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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