I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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