i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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