if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
