How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize