I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
