My underwear smells like fireworks.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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