We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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