I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
