My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
being pregnant is like rehab
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
be right there i have to get my cape
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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