So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
