I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
