and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize