We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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