i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it's great music for shaving your balls
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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