Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize