Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
