mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
