i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize