Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize