I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
