i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize