I think my vagina is haunted
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize