Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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