Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
