I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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