Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
