well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
