I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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