she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
