Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
