wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
