She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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