You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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