he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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