Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
