i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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