you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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