She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize