The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
