I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
