i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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