she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
