i will never coherently bang her
Ketchup is God's man juice
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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