it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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