Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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