You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
