You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
