one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
