i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
