I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
