What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
