this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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