Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
