Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
