Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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