An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
