I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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