Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize