Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
