now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
