We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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