two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
