Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
