apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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