i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
