sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
