Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
