youre lurking in front of me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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