But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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