Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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