who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize