At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
