I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
