Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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