Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
