I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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