I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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