she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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