I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
