Porn is love you can see.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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