I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
