Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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