Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
