What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
