Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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