Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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